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Dear Caroline, 

We promised that we would always be honest with each other. No matter what. We whispered that promise to each other in bed the other night through tears. That we would always talk and work it out. That we would never let resentment build until it was too big. 

In the interest of that promise, I have some things I need to tell you. 

I have the hardest time when you are ten miles from me. When you are 700 miles away, I can text you anytime that I like. I can propose to you and profess my undying love. I can send you photos. When you are ten miles away, you are further away than ever. 

I talk to you in a hundred text messages a day when you’re 700 miles away. You are with me in everything I do. You are always right there. I’m happy with ten text messages a day when you’re ten miles away. A phone call is hard to come by. You’re so close. So close that I cannot touch you or see you. 

I can deal with the distance between us when 700 miles separate us. I struggle to understand when you are ten miles away. 

It’s never hit me as hard as it is tonight. 

You’re so close that I can feel my skin goosebump at your touch, but I can’t tell you about it. I can feel your breath on my neck, in that spot that makes me shiver, but you don’t know. 

Maybe it is because so many things delayed our reunion this weekend and we missed time together, though it was for a very good cause. I’m not sorry about that at all. 

Maybe it is because the nights (and afternoon) we spent together was so different and emotional for me. 

Maybe it is because I came home from work to you for the first time ever and I loved it so much. 

Or maybe it is because you did so much for me yesterday and I loved it so much. 

Maybe it’s the orchids, the laundry in the hamper, the made bed with the pillows askew. 

Maybe it’s the groceries, your toothbrush on the sink, your dresser drawers growing ever fuller. 

Maybe it was ring shopping, goofing off, walking the dog, watching a movie with the kids. 

Maybe it was the way you said you loved me, blowing bubbles from the bath all over the bathroom, or our tears. 

Whatever the reason, I want you home with me tonight more than ever.