, , , , , , , , ,

Dear Caroline,

I absolutely cannot wait to get home from work tonight. Tonight I’ll get my music notes tattooed and my moon.

My moon represents me. I tattooed your sun first and over a year ago, when I did the kid’s stars. I’ll have my sun, my moon, and all my stars on my ribs, reflecting quietly and beautifully that you guys are my universe, in my ribs, held forever in my heart. I hope that’s what you’ll think of every time you see them.

I’ll get my music notes. Two measures only, what they mean known only to you and my tattoo artist. I’ll put them on my left hip, where your hand rests when we spoon. You’ll know I’m yours. I’m already planning out the plumeria blooms around it, the exotic and beautiful flowers that remind me of you. The ones I’ve painted for you before.

This week has been hard. It’s hard to know what you’re going through. It’s wonderful to know that I am not alone. That you too feel the jealousy of others spending time with me, doing things that we can’t right now. I hate knowing others can see your smile and hear your laugh and don’t understand what pain it causes to be away from that. To be afraid that they don’t fully appreciate what they have when they have your time. I’m glad to know that I’m not crazy when I feel that way when you’re with anyone, even family.

More so, I want to apologize for last night. In a moment of weakness I’m afraid I said some things the wrong way. I’m afraid it came out all wrong. I want to try again.

I want you to be happy and confident in whatever decisions you make regarding your career. I’m not going anywhere. Ever.

I read somewhere a while back that a soulmate is not someone who comes into your life and makes everything blissful (although they can). A soulmate is the one person who understands you, helps you become the best version of yourself, who makes you happy, shakes things up, and challenges you.

I want to be that for you.

I want you to know how amazing you are. How in awe I am of you every day. I want you to learn new things, experience life to the fullest, challenge yourself. I think that I said it wrong last night.

I did not mean to imply that you are wasting your time by not making moves. If you don’t want to right now, for any reason, then I don’t want you to. If you feel you have more to learn, more to do, please do it, my love. Your goals are mine as well. It’s important to you so it is a priority for me.

If you choose to experiment and branch out, I will support you just the same. I will love and support you unconditionally, no matter what. Forever. As long as you’ll have me by your side.

I only want you and I want you to be happy.

You are my everything.

I love you.