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Dear Caroline,

I know I told you the other day that I was completely overwhelmed by my love for you. That I was trying to get ready for work and had to take a few minutes to sit down and collect myself.

I woke up on the couch. Yes, I know I’m supposed to be sleeping in our bed. But the truth is that I don’t want to. The last time I tried to sleep in the bed, I tossed and turned all night and in the morning, your side was completely undisturbed. Like I was afraid to touch it.

I woke up on the couch, stretched, and made my cup of coffee. I listened to the small people getting ready for school. Then I got lost in thought. I got lost thinking about what a day with you, our average, every day, day to day life would be like.

I’d wake up to my alarm at 6am. I’d roll over and kiss your sleeping face and tell you how much I love you. I’d go wake up the kids, make my cup of coffee, and come back into our room, to sit on the side of the bed and watch you sleep. The children would come in and climb in bed with us, hugging and kissing us and each other.

I’d move to the kitchen and make breakfast for you and supervise them if they didn’t want whatever I was bringing you. I’d bring you breakfast in bed and kiss your whole face until you woke up enough to eat your bacon and orange juice.

I’d get them on the bus, leave you lying in bed, and get into the shower. I’d put my makeup on, listening to you go back to your slow, deep breathing and your soft little snores. I’d dress for work, sitting in our chair near the bed to put my heels on.

I’d kiss you goodbye, tell you that I love you, and that I’d see you in the evening, unless we had lunch plans.

I’d go to work. I’d help people plan their insurance and financial futures until lunch. If you wanted to meet for lunch, I’d enjoy your company and gazing at your face for an hour, anywhere you wanted. I’d meet you. You could pick me up. It doesn’t matter. If you were still sleepy from the night before, I’d send you a text to tell you that I love you and that I’m thinking about you.

If you were working, you’d be at work when I was heading home. If not, you’d be home with the small people, picking up the house, helping them with their homework, surprising me with chicken Alfredo for dinner.

I’d text to ask if we needed anything on my way home, but you’d tell me you already handled it and to just come home because you miss me.

I’d walk in the door to your arms and kisses. I’d kick off my heels and get out of my work clothes and the four of us would sit down for dinner together. We’d laugh about our day and something one of them said that got you tickled.

They’d take their baths and we’d clean up the kitchen, sneaking kisses, being silly. They’d go to bed and we could cuddle on the couch, enjoying a beer, a glass of wine, a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, anything. We’d head to bed long before either of us were sleepy to make sure we got in our time, in our space. We’d make love and fall asleep in each other’s arms, whispering “I love you”.

If you were working, I’d still text to see if we needed anything, but I’d get home to the kids, pick up the house, and make dinner. It would be just like all those late nights before. I’d set the table and wait for you to get home so we could share our meals every evening. I’d make lasagna again. Or spaghetti. Or steak. Whatever you wanted.

I’d get the kids to bed and then relax on the couch with my cup of coffee, waiting up for you to come home. Maybe it would be like before when I just couldn’t stay awake and I was asleep in bed with my book across my stomach. You’d come in, wake me, and I would make sure you ate. I’d usher you into the shower while I cleaned up the kitchen and folded laundry. I’d meet you in bed. We’d talk about our day, make love, and fall asleep in each other’s arms, whispering “I love you”.

Is our life that picture perfect? I think it is. I know that I love you an incredible amount. I know that those two not so small people love you more than anything in this world. I know that we may not have much money, but we will have love and we will find time to spend together as a family. We will make it work. We will be comfortable. I know that I’m not afraid of anything with you by my side. I’m not afraid of hard work and I’m not scared of failing. I know that you will be there to help me if I stumble.

And then I finished my cup of coffee and got ready for work.

Love,
Stacy

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