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Dear Caroline,

I wanted to write you something beautiful. Something amazing and profound. I wanted to bare my soul to you. I wanted it to be a tenth of as amazing as you are. I wanted you to read it and sigh and think “that’s what I am to her”.

But I don’t have those words. I don’t know the words to use to explain what you are to me.

I don’t know how to explain that it feels like half of my heart is out there, walking around. That my soul lives and breathes and has the most beautiful eyes. I don’t know how to tell you what it feels like to meet your eyes and feel my heart skip a beat because it knows you’re the other half of me.

I don’t know how to explain that I know when something’s wrong with you. That I feel you constantly. That there’s a ribbon no one can see that’s tied from your heart to mine, that is entwined around my soul and yours. Except that it’s really like a rubber band. You can only go so far for so long before you come back to me.

You’ve taught me to be patient. You’ve taught me that waiting is part of love. That circumstances will never be perfect or right, but that it’s okay. It’s okay to be less than perfect. It’s okay if I’m less than perfect. I don’t have to have my hair done perfectly or my makeup on for you to love me. You’ve shown me the most tenderness and compassion that I’ve ever known.

I’m also terrified of messing this up. I’m terrified to show you my scars in the light. I’m just learning to let you touch them in the dark. I’m afraid to love you too much. I’m scared that you’ll decide I’m too much. That loving me is too much work. That constantly reminding me of my worth will wear thin.

I’m scared you’ll want more than I can give you. That I won’t be enough. I’m scared that I can’t be beautiful enough, smart enough, funny enough to love, no matter how hard I try or how badly I want to.

I’m afraid that I can’t give you everything that you deserve. I’m scared that I will want to make you happy, more than anything, but that I will fall short.

I want everything for and with you. You are my everything.

I promise that I will give you only my best. That you deserve nothing less than that. I promise that if a time comes where I don’t make you happy, I promise to let you go.

But all I want is you. Just you.

Love,
Stacy

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