, , , , , , ,

Dear Caroline,

Today I was lost in thought thinking about when I’ll see you again. The thought makes me grin the big stupid grin and my cheeks hurt. It’s a wonderful feeling. I thought about what will happen when I see you. What will happen to my body and my insides. What it will feel like when you touch me again.

I think that when I see you, my face will light up. It does when I hear your text alert and when I think about you. It’s worse when I hear your voice, especially first thing in the morning. I can’t imagine how huge my smile will be when my eyes meet yours again.

I’ll move to wrap my arms around you, folding you into my embrace. My skin will break out into goosebumps because it’s been so long. It’s been forever, I don’t care what the calendar says. I can’t wait to cup your chin and bring my face down to meet yours. I can’t wait to put my hands in your hair, to pull gently on a handful at the base of your skull.

I won’t kiss you. Not yet. I want to rub the tip of my nose against yours in the way that makes you wrinkle your nose and giggle. I want to brush my lips against your ear and whisper that I love you. I will kiss your cheeks and your nose and everything but your lips. I won’t be able to stand your lips on mine. You make my knees weak walking into a room, I won’t be able to stand if you kiss me.

But I know myself. My lips will find yours no matter what my head says. I’ll feel the soft pressure of your lips against mine. I’ll feel your teeth behind them. It will be like being shocked. It always is. My lips crave yours. It won’t be enough. It never is. Your lips will part slightly and I’ll feel your tongue against my lower lip. My lips will part and my tongue will touch yours. It will be like being shocked again. My head will fill with cotton balls and cob webs and the outside world will fade into gray unimportant shapes. No one will exist but us, the way it always does. The urgency will increase. It’s been so long. You’ll bite my lip and I’ll bite yours. I’ll pull your face tighter into mine, trying to meld my body into yours. We’ll break and pull away, breathless, and whisper “hi” because we’re incapable of saying anything else.

I’ll be completely unable to keep my hands off of you. I’ll want to hold your hand, put my hand on your hip, wrap my arm around your shoulders. Anything. Anything at all to keep from breaking contact. It’s not about possessiveness, it’s the urge to maintain contact that causes us to bump into each other when we walk, to instinctively reach for the other’s hand, to caress each other no matter where we are or what we’re doing.

I can’t wait to make love to you again. I’ll tell you all about it later.