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Dear Caroline,

Today I brought you flowers at the bakery. Not because it was my fault, but because I was sorry that you’d ever have felt alone enough to question the life we’re working so hard to make together. For ever letting you doubt in yourself and your abilities. Your self-worth. For ever, even for a moment, letting you think that it might be easier alone.

You looked so beautiful, standing there amidst all the stainless steel and baking racks. Your grin as you ran around, half-mad with the smell of your freshly baked goods.The chaos in your soul that quiets in times like these when everything can be solved with a pinch of salt, a dash of sugar, or five more minutes.

Your dark, curly hair was pulled up and away from your face in that way that I like that lets me see that spot, just under your jawline, next to your ear, that I like to kiss. You smiled when you saw me, that huge, incredible smile that shows off all of your perfect teeth and your dimples on both sides.

The one that makes me weak.

Your brown eyes opened wide in surprise when we came through the door, the kids and I. She was so excited to hand you your bouquet. She’d been fussing with it since we picked it out especially for you, the three of us. She kept adjusting the stems until she deemed it perfect enough to hand to you.  His usually shy smile broke into a full grin when he saw you. He’s missed you. That connection that the two of you share. He was in awe, looking around, smelling and tasting the air.

cookies

Flowers passed hands and they eagerly began to discuss which treats they’d prefer, what they wanted from the items you’d labored over, the things that you’d made from scratch with your hands.

The same ones that caress my face and know how to touch me to give me goosebumps with each stroke.

They clamored for your attention, to hug you, to kiss you, to show you that they love you. Your eyes scarcely left my face.

I saw in that moment, in the sunshine, all your fears melt away, if only for a second. I saw how they as well help to soothe your soul and remind you that you cannot fail us. That it doesn’t matter anyway. We’re in this together. I love you too much.

We embraced smoothly and quickly, in that practiced way that we have that has never required any at all. That perfect fit. We each whispered “I love you” in the other’s ear. I kissed your cheek quickly, for a moment forgetting who and where I am.

But you have that effect on me, anyway. At any time.

I fell in love with you all over again today. Just like I do every time I see you.

I love you.

Stacy

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